Letters to My Daughter

I've seen on a lot of blogs recently something that has brought me to tears on multiple occasions, letters to children. What a great idea. As a parent, there are so many things we want to be able to share and save for our children when they are old enough to understand and appreciate them.

Ever since Ella was in my belly my desire has always been to document everything. However, I have failed miserably to do so. I used to be very on top of it. I would put in my phone calendar all of her milestones; her first smile, her first noises, solid foods, crawling, etc. Unfortunately, technology wasn't very kind to me and my phone completely died. I lost eeeeeeeverything. I can't even tell me how many tears I shed because of that tragedy. After that I guess I kind of gave up. Not my proudest mommy moment, but just like everything else in life I can choose NOW to start over and change it. So here's the first of hopefully many letters to Ella.


My dearest Ella,

I will never forget the rush of emotions I felt when I learned I would be having a child. At twenty years old, one of the last things I thought I was ready for or capable of being was a mother. I grew up my entire life around kids; at church in the nurseries and preschool classrooms, babysitting, and dreaming of the day when I'd have a family of my own. To be perfectly honest though, at such a young age I did not think I had the emotional security, stability, or maturity to make it through in one piece,

But then I saw you.

My first ultrasound was when I was about eight weeks pregnant. I wasn't prepared for how much my life was about to change in that moment. I saw on the screen this little tiny being, hardly recognizable as something that would later grow up to be a beautiful, charismatic child. MY child. From that second forward, any fear or doubt about my ability to be a mother disappeared. My heart had exploded and it was on fire for you. It amazed me what my heart was capable of feeling for a person that I'd never really seen, someone I'd never actually met, and who was no more than a tiny black and white blob on a screen. The connection was immediate. There was no force in this universe that could take an ounce of the love I had for you away.

The remainder of my pregnancy was not the most glamorous, easy, or tranquil time of my life, but at the end of that long journey I knew I would have you. The moment I knew I would get to see your face and hold you in my arms pushed me through the discomfort and emotional roller coaster.

On January 30, 2009, which happened to be your due date, after a grueling twenty-seven hours of labor, I was blessed with your tiny little seven pound, fifteen ounce body in my arms. After the nine months of nausea, sometimes painful movements in my giant belly, not being able to see my own feet, or zip up my jeans, I laid my eyes on the most beautiful human being God has ever placed on this earth.

Thank you for teaching me what true, unconditional love is.

Thank you for showing me what is truly important in life.

Thank you for being my biggest joy and the light of my life.

Watching you develop, grow, learn, and become the amazing person God has intended you to be has given me the biggest sense of pride a mother could ask for.  When I see you singing and dancing around the house, identifying problems and finding solutions, relating and reacting to emotions, I find myself in awe of your spirit and curiosity. You are constantly reminding me to stop and smell the roses. Taking a pause in the middle of a hectic day to sit on the couch with cushions all around us in your "pool and cozy" aka jacuzzi, helps to not get caught up in the things that don't really matter. There will always be dishes to wash, designs to create, laundry to fold, and dirt on the floor, but there will come a day when these special, innocent moments with you will be far and few between. You will grow up and think you're too cool for me. I know I did, but just like my mom, your grandma, I will always see you as my little angel shaking her booty to Disney songs.

As a mother, I will never forget the moment on January 30, 2009 when a miracle that was laid into my arms. I will never forget the sound of your first laugh. I will never forget the image of your sweet, crooked, and goofy smile when you look at me and tell me that I am your heart, or that you think I'm so complicated. You'll always be my little monkey with her adorable sense of humor and sensitive soul. I'll always remember the times when I've been sick or sad and you come up to me patting my back ever so gently and tell me that you'll make me feel better. You will always be my little girl.

Whenever I look at you I'm reminded that miracles happen. And if for nothing else other than the gift of being able to watch you grow up, this life of mine is beautiful.

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as you're living my baby you'll be.

Ella, you are my heart and I like you so much.

Your mommy

<3 All my love for always.